Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Someone to Die For

I can't wait to get married. And have a baby. Why? It just seems like so much fun

The falling in love. The wedding. The happiness. Always having someone to hug when I need a hug. A giggly baby. A curious four-year-old. I can't wait. And that's not even the tip of the iceberg with positive things that come along with wife and motherhood.

I know there's the downside. There's the late nights with the baby, and fights about who's stealing the covers, and the sharing of stuff and the misunderstandings and the whole raising-a-civilized-human-being thing. And that's not even the tip of the iceberg of the negative things that come along with wife and motherhood.

If I had a list of things I want to do before I die, those would be the top two. In bold. And underlined. And in bright pink font. 

I think I'm just sick of being alone. I am sick of being alone. I'm sick of traveling this world alone. 

My dating history hasn't exactly been glamorous. Perhaps I haven't met the right person. Perhaps I am not good enough. Perhaps it's that I think I'm not good enough.

Whatever the case may be, I need to get to the point where I'm capable of loving another human being. I need to get to the point where I'm capable of loving myself for crying out loud. I need to do it to fulfill the dream I've had since I was a little girl. It's survived with me through puberty and bad relationships and the ups and downs of depression. 

I want a family.

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