What to say?

I haven't written much this month. I am at an impasse with where to go with this journal. I don't have any readers, but I want more. For some reason most of the blogs I happen upon are married mothers, which I am not. I am not even seeing anyone, for crying out loud.

However, every time I read blogs I itch to write. I have had the writing itch since I was eight years old. Maybe this blog isn't about readership, but about my own love of writing, however the form. This happens to be the easiest with my somewhat hectic college lifestyle. I need to stop living in fear of someone I know reading this. I just need to write.

Come to think of it, I have been thinking of a lot of things I need to do lately, but I never seem to get around to doing them. Tonight, I am resolving to do the things I need to do.

Mountains.

This is what my Spring Break looked like. What did yours look like?

songs = my life

Okay y'all, I am absolutely obsessed with "What Heaven Sees in You" by Mindy Gledhill. It makes me get choked up every time I hear it. Every time.

there are a couple of lines in the song that really speak to me:

child of great worth, child of promise, daughter of the divine

I think it's easy, especially at great times of transition in life, to forget your own worth. You get swallowed up in all the fears and insecurities. But this lyric reminds me that there is so much promise and love in my life, and that I will be okay.

and the father looked down, and the angels surrounded that place

they knew the truth, all that you could do

Certain experiences in my life have made me wonder if anyone was really happy when I was born. Well someone was: God. For a girl that never got the feeling that anyone cared, it's incredibly powerful to know that someone loves me, that someone is watching out for me, that someone was so happy that I was born.

and you will too, if you have eyes to see what heaven sees in you

Like any young adult, I wonder why I'm here, what my purpose is. I constantly get caught up in comparisons and feel I don't measure up. But I do have worth, because everyone on this earth has worth. I just need to see...well, what heaven sees in me. I wouldn't still be around if there wasn't a reason, if God didn't have a plan for me. I just need to trust him.

do you understand who you are?

part of the father lives in you

and if you continue on this path

every promise God has given will come true

This also relates back to my lack of feeling any worth for myself. But I am a person with a soul and a heart and I am part of the fabric of humanity, and I was created in God's image, as we all were. I constantly think I'm not important, because it's easy to feel small in such a big world, but I am important. God lives in me, and has a plan for my life. The idea that I'm not just here for me, but to do God's work, makes me feel good. I personally do not believe that God's work is just preaching or missionary work, but also being a good person and showing love and living each day in a way that you can be proud of.

In a nutshell, this song makes me feel like a whole person again. And it's exactly what I need right now.