It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith

I am a control freak.

Grade A, top of the line, belle of the ball, prima ballerina control freak. 

I always feel like I've got this tight lasso around my little section of the world and if I let any slack in it, or stop paying attention, or put down the rope, it'll all fall apart. I know it's not an uncommon fear, we all worry about things going the way we want them to.

Case in point: I'm worried I won't get married. (again, common fear.) I think about it a lot, for a variety of reasons, but I always think that if I stop thinking about it it won't happen and all the sudden I'll wake up at 45, single and alone and have wondered why I couldn't make it happen.

But I think the opposite is true, to some degree. If we spent so much time trying to control our uncontrollable little worlds, we miss out on so much more. Let's place this in a location. Let's say you are on a ranch, in Arizona or Utah or somewhere. If you focus intently on what you're trying to control, a horse or something, you miss out on the other animals in the pen and the beautiful aged wood of the fence and the smiling faces around you. You miss the vast plains dotted by mountains or mesas. You miss the smell of fresh grass and the wind in your hair and the steady warmth of the sun on your back. You miss the lingering taste of peach cobbler in your mouth and the way your boyfriend looks in his father's plaid work shirt. 

Maybe this is a bad analogy, but I kind of like it. Because you can't ever control the whole world, but you can enjoy it. And maybe, just maybe, if you let go of that rope and take in all the beauty around you, that horse will come to you. And even if it doesn't, at least you had a beautiful view rather than a life of turmoil trying to control one aspect of it.