Lucky.

I'm Irish. I'm lucky. It's in my blood.

Certain things have happened that should get me down. Things that should make me think, why me? or, this is terrible! but all I feel is lucky. I can't take on the illnesses of my family members, or my friends' heartache, but I can feel lucky for not having to experience it personally. That does not meet that I don't hurt for them, or that I have a "better them than me" approach. I simply mean that there is a reason that God put me on this earth for 21 years without so much as removed tonsils. Nothing in my body has gone bad. The only time I've ever stayed overnight in the hospital was my birth.

I'm lucky.

It really puts things into perspective. It makes me want to live more fully because I've been given the precious gift of health. It makes me think God wants more for me because He didn't give me any big burdens to carry. He made me lucky, now it's my job to do something with it.

And so I shall.

Ode to the things I love

-Baked tortilla chips. They taste exactly the same as regular tortilla chips, but half the fat (according to the label)! If chips and salsa had any nutritional value I could eat them all day every day. I mean, salsa is a vegetable, right? Now I just need a protein...beans or cheese, maybe?

-Ribbons. Seriously, I could spend like 2 hours in a craft store just poring over ribbons. I have rolls of ribbon that I haven't ever used, I just bought them because they were pretty. 

-My walk to class. The way I go is along this lovely tree-lined path. It invigorates me in the morning, even when it's very cold or very hot I get all smiley walking down that path.

-My red blanket. I got it a few years ago, I rarely use it but it is made of the softest, warmest material. Perfect for cold December nights.

-Bookstores. I mean, does anyone actually dislike bookstores? Like craft stores, I can get lost in them for hours. Especially the multi-level ones.

It's not supposed to go like that...or maybe it is.

The longer I live, the more I realize that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. He fits the back to the burden, to use the phrase.

I've been trying to figure out why bad things happen to good people. It seems senseless that someone can be living so fully and have the rug pulled out from under them. It's not fair, it's not right, but invariably they find a way to handle it that is far superior to the way the rest of us can.

Perhaps it's just the human will to live. Even though I don't think I could deal with half what some of my family members have to deal with, provided the situation you will find a way to deal with it. But I like to think that things happen for a reason, and that it's all a part of God's plan. 

It makes me think that everyone has a challenge in their life. It varies from person to person and situation to situation, but we all have a challenge. I wonder what mine is, because for all intents and purposes my life has gone pretty well. That makes me think that my challenge is to be stronger for the people that need my strength. I am painfully selfish sometimes, and that's not what people need. People need me to share my strength and stability. Sure, it's on the light end of challenges. People have to deal with no legs and cancer and mental issues, so trying not to be selfish isn't all that bad. Which makes me think that the point of my life, what I'm really here for, is yet to be seen. I'm young, it'll show itself one day. For now, I'll just work on being as strong and as good as possible so I can deal with whatever life has in store the way others deal with it naturally.

Help me remember

Sometimes when I sit down to write an entry on this blog, I'm tempted to rant about how depressed I feel, or something mildly or majorly upsetting about my day. While this is not the point of this blog, trying to think of something positive to talk about is strangely cathartic. Because sometimes I forget how beautiful and precious life is. Sometimes I have to force myself to remember. But when I do remember, it feels so good, and I remember why this blog is so important to me.

I once read in a book a while ago that said we are all born happy, but sometimes we have to remember that ingrained happiness. Life can stray you off course in many ways and over many years, making happiness seem like a distant speck on the horizon. Getting back there doesn't mean laying blame or poring over every sad detail about how you got there but instead getting up and walking toward it. The proverbial walk can mean many different things for different people. For me it's remembering why I'm trying to get back to happy, remembering how good and filling happiness is. 

Some days are harder than others. But they key is just remembering what you want and what you are aiming for, and remembering why you are on this journey. 

I may not always love you...

...but long as there are stars above you

you never need to doubt it

i'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

I watched Love Actually the other day and this song plays at the end. I think this song is so pretty and happy. I also like that it's partially about showing someone you love them ("i'll make you so sure about it") which is something I need to work on. I think we all take people for granted a little bit, so I want to work on showing people how important they are to me.

I believe in love.

I have this belief, this faith if you will, that love is out there for me. I have an inkling it will come to me within the next year or two. I believe that I will meet the love of my life and we will make it work to the best of our ability and have lots of children and a cute house and go to church on sundays. 

I have literally no reason to have this much faith. My relationship history is far from glamorous. I am the first to admit that I am not familiar with what goes into a long-term relationship.

But isn't that kind of what religion is all about? Believing without knowing, without seeing? There has been no concrete evidence in my own life that God exists (like Him appearing in front of my very eyes, but I do believe the Lord works in mysterious ways) but I choose to believe anyway. There is no concrete evidence that I am good at relationships or that I will meet my husband any time soon.

But I choose to believe.

And I think belief will pay off. I think it will work out because I want it to work out, because I believe it will work out. Perhaps I sound naive, but I don't care. Is there any real reason to believe otherwise, that marriage is stupid and all relationships are doomed to failure? We are all entitled to our own beliefs. And mine is that marriage works, that it is out there for me, and that I will be happy and loved. I know it will require work, but I am willing to do that. Because with great risk comes great reward.

Rant, party of 1

Many (most) of my friends have a cynical feeling about marriage. All they can focus on is the fact 50% of marriages end in divorce and our society isn't built for marriage and yadda yadda yadda.

I see their point. But 50% of marriages do not end in divorce. 

I have to cling to the positive. It's the only thing keeping me sane these days.